Home - a quart into a pint pot

    First of all what's a quart?  I thought this as I was working out how to fit necessary belongings into a one room living space that was one twelfth the size of my home.  A quart in fact doesn't come near the economies to scale I am making in terms of furnishings and belongings.  (A quart being actually 2 pints while we are having to scale down much, much more than that.)  
    However the old adage you can only sleep in one bed, cook on one stove and drive one car is so true, as coined by Duran Duran's Nick Rhodes with the up side being that lots of unnecessary clutter is being consigned to the Charity Shop or re-purposed.  
    Meanwhile that well-known Swedish home wares store is proving exemplary in its space-saving furnishing and storage ideas.  In fact the opening and closing sequence of Ikea's small spaces film has given me hope and inspiration -  turning any glass half empty feelings on their head and persuading me that I will find some creative solutions!  I will!

Relationships - Different Strokes for Different Folks

    They say walking a dog is one of the quickest ways to make friends.  Especially when it is a very beautiful black Newfoundland called Tinkerbell.  When we lived in a village she was better known than us.  
    However now she lives in the inner-city and is getting a mixed reaction.  Her new home is distinctly multi-cultural and while she still gets lots of people stopping to pat her and say hello, one group of people go out of their way to avoid her - crossing the road to walk on the pavement there rather than pass her. 
     It was explained to me that in some cultures dogs, particularly black dogs, are seen as 'Devil Dogs' or linked to 'Death.'   Tinks is blissfully unaware of this of course and tries to make friends with everyone.  She'd have an attack of another sort of 'Black Dog' if she understood! Interesting - how prejudice and culture can close down a chance for communication and friendship even at this simple level.

Mortality - Living to have a good death.....

The quote about the certainty in life of 'death and taxes' is attributed to both Daniel Defoe in 1726 and Benjamin Franklin in 1817.  Margaret Mitchell added 'childbirth' to the list in Gone with the Wind in 1936.  Maybe not childbirth, but tax is much on the mind at the moment with this the time when dreaded returns are either late or in train.  And death too seems to be in the air this November with friends and auditors.  

Its so hard to find the right words to give comfort but being in the midst of sadness of both strangers and intimates several condolence poems, thoughts and prayers have been passed on and recycled.  One that has really hit the spot is the wise words attributed to a senior Master at Ampleforth, a Catholic British public school.  When asked what was the ethos of the school's teaching, he answered; "Our job is to prepare our pupils to live life in preparation for a good death." 

It has helped the bereaved of those who lived life well, and to find some purpose for themselves going forward, as has this poem which was left one friend in an envelope by her mother who died of cancer last month. 

You can shed tears that she is gone

Or you can smile because she has live

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back 

Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left  

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her 

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone

Or you can cherish her memory let it live on 

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back 

Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins

Health - Trust your Gut Reaction

Life Auditing is all about listening to the inner 'you' and learning how not to ignore suppressed feelings and thoughts because they are too difficult, uncomfortable, time-consuming or plain boring to acknowledge and address. 

But one of the simplest things we can do to stress-test our emotional well-being is to learn how to better hear and trust the messages our body sends with its physical reaction to external experiences and encounters.  

I heard a story this week which really illustrated this from a dynamic, focussed and (until I heard his tale) seemingly very strong businessman.  Simon's business was struggling and he was battling to keep it going and his 25 staff employed.  He thought he was coping very well and certainly neither his family or friends were aware that he wasn't.  In truth, neither was he until his body told him otherwise. 

The only thing that made him question the effort and time he was putting into his business was that fact that it stopped him being able to spend as much time as he'd like on duties associated with being a County Councillor, something he really enjoyed.

Matters came to a head after a meeting when it became clear he would have to choose between the two - business or politics.  Displaying all the symptoms of a heart attack, Simon was rushed to hospital.  Dozens of tests revealed nothing wrong so he was sent home after an overnight stay.  

Feeling OK, he decided to take his dog for a walk, during which to his shock he found himself suddenly crying and couldn't stop.  He rang his wife sobbing who came and fetched him.   

"My body just said 'enough'," Simon told me.   "There was nothing I could do about it.  My body literally forced me to a grinding halt."   

As he spent a very quiet four months recovering (walking the dog, sleeping and taking each day at a time - no medication!) other people in the business took up the reins and got on with a corporate re-structure.  Now Simon has a small consultancy role with them and spends much more time with his first love - politics.  

"I am now really aware of any physical 'gut' reaction I have to situations and encounters.  I listen to what my body is telling me.  It seems to know best!" 

Relationships - Behind Closed Doors

What to do if you suspect a friend is trapped in an unhappy and abusive relationship.  Sharon B has got in touch saying she overheard her best friend's husband being unbelievably verbally cruel and viscous to her.  Her friend broke down when she asked her about it and Sharon now knows that the bonhomie and 'hail fellow, well met,' demeanour the man in question presents in public is a complete disguise for the overbearing bully he becomes indoors to his wife and family.  
But her friend has pleaded with her not to confront him and is determinedly not going to leave him.  "For the children's sake..."  is what she said to Sharon, who was at a loss to know what to do.    "I told her I don't think she should stay with him, but, that as she has decided to, I am here for her whenever and if ever she needs somewhere to go.  I think its a relief at least that somenone else knows what is going on in their marriage, but its hard keeping my mouth shut when we see him socially which we still do.  However that is what she wants and so I must respect that."  

The Pathway Project www.pathway-project.co.ukis an amazing support organisation for women like Sharon's friend.  
Its mission is to 'Turn Victims into Survivors." It has a 24 hour helpline with someone always on the end of the phone to give confidential advice and support.  
 

Citizenship - Define Yourself

A sense of Citizenship is definitely making a comeback.  Twice in the last week its been the subject of enthusiastic debate about what actually constitutes being a good citizen.  

American political activist Ralph Nader asked the audience attending one of his seminars to state what role they felt defined them.  Variously they said they were Fathers, Mothers, Sons, Daughters, Engineers, Musicians, Specialists and so on.  Only a couple put down that they were 'Citizens.'  
One hundred and fifty years ago it was a matter of pride to call oneself first and foremost 'a good citizen.'  That description would lead the tributes in funeral eulogies as the Victorians and Methodists pursued good works along with their work ethic.
How do you define yourself?  What bit of your life would qualify you as a good citizen?  Recycling? Helping old ladies cross the road?  Picking up litter?  Using your vote? 
Nader's famous quote is "There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship."

Work to Live or Live for Work

A Dilemma.  
Many people who can't get the sort of  jobs they aspire to or trained for at the moment are trying instead to set up their own enterprises.  
These are often to do with personal passions or talents.  Look at this beautiful film, made by talented Media graduate Tom Parnell, a talented photgrapher, director and cameraman.  It showcases his embryonic wedding video production company and clearly sets him apart from his run of the mill competition.    http://vimeo.com/m/49608865
Tom absolutely loves his work and can't imagine not having a creative career.  
But being an Entrepreneur is hard and often requires 24/7 self-motivated effort.  As these folk plough through the cash flow plans and crises, try and often fail to raise backing and struggle in the lonely land of the self-employed, many are Life Auditing to see if they'd be happier stacking supermarket shelves or the equivalent.  At least that way, they reason, they'd earn enough to keep the lights on and would get their lives back. 
However, it would appear from The Life Audit inbox, that most are deciding to set a time limit to really 'go for it' businesswise.  Here are their top tips:

• Set a deadline by which, if you haven't made significant progress you will reconsider your options.
• Approach making your business a success as a military campaign.
• Create a strict timetable of marketing, production and sales
• Work regular hours
• Build in time for an interest of something completely different ie going to the Gym
• Laterally think your spare time to see if some pin/beer money can be earned ie shifts at a local pub, restaurant.  (Try and make this a sociable interlude ie NOT overnight supermarket shelf stacking!)
• Go through your contact lists and those of family and friends and ask for advice and support.  You'll be surprised how pleased people will be to help.
• Don't fret about the "What ifs....." until you reach your deadline.